Former hostage negotiator Chris Voss wrote about it in his book Never Split the Difference.
If you’ve been keeping up with pop culture lately, you’ve likely heard about Netflix’s new rom-com series Nobody Wants This.
Starring Kristen Bell from The Good Place and Adam Brody of The OC, the series follows a budding relationship between a non-religious relationship podcaster, Joanne, and a recently single rabbi named Noah.
Despite their differences, sparks fly – but is everlasting love possible when they come from such different worlds?
As if the show itself wasn't gripping enough, it also touches on an interesting technique that has gotten viewers talking. It's called the 'mirroring technique'.
In one scene, Joanne’s sister, Morgan, is nervous about an upcoming meeting with podcast executives.In an attempt to help, Noah’s brother, Sasha, introduces mirroring, which he claims to have learnt from a hostage negotiator. ‘All you do, no matter what this guy says, just repeat the last few words back to him like it’s smart and interesting and he’ll keep talking.’
It’s a funny scene, but believe it or not, mirroring is a real thing. In Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss (the FBI’s former lead hostage negotiator) explains the phenomenon.
‘Mirroring, also called isopraxism, is essentially imitation,’ the book explains. ‘It’s another neurobehavior humans (and other animals) display in which we copy each other to comfort each other. It can be done with speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice. It’s generally an unconscious behaviour – we are rarely aware of it when it’s happening – but it’s a sign that people are bonding, in sync, and establishing the kind of rapport that leads to trust.’
As Sasha claims, mirroring might encourage someone to keep speaking.
Never Split the Difference outlines why: ‘By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting.’
So, the next time you find yourself in an intimidating situation like Morgan, you may want to give mirroring a try!
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