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Article  •  25 October 2024

 

The ‘mirroring’ technique from Nobody Wants This is a real thing

Former hostage negotiator Chris Voss wrote about it in his book Never Split the Difference.

If you’ve been keeping up with pop culture lately, you’ve likely heard about Netflix’s new rom-com series Nobody Wants This.

Starring Kristen Bell from The Good Place and Adam Brody of The OC, the series follows a budding relationship between a non-religious relationship podcaster, Joanne, and a recently single rabbi named Noah.

Despite their differences, sparks fly – but is everlasting love possible when they come from such different worlds?

Click to watch trailer

As if the show itself wasn't gripping enough, it also touches on an interesting technique that has gotten viewers talking. It's called the 'mirroring technique'.

In one scene, Joanne’s sister, Morgan, is nervous about an upcoming meeting with podcast executives.In an attempt to help, Noah’s brother, Sasha, introduces mirroring, which he claims to have learnt from a hostage negotiator. ‘All you do, no matter what this guy says, just repeat the last few words back to him like it’s smart and interesting and he’ll keep talking.’

It’s a funny scene, but believe it or not, mirroring is a real thing. In Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss (the FBI’s former lead hostage negotiator) explains the phenomenon.  

‘Mirroring, also called isopraxism, is essentially imitation,’ the book explains. ‘It’s another neurobehavior humans (and other animals) display in which we copy each other to comfort each other. It can be done with speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice. It’s generally an unconscious behaviour – we are rarely aware of it when it’s happening – but it’s a sign that people are bonding, in sync, and establishing the kind of rapport that leads to trust.’

As Sasha claims, mirroring might encourage someone to keep speaking.

Never Split the Difference outlines why: ‘By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting.’

So, the next time you find yourself in an intimidating situation like Morgan, you may want to give mirroring a try!

Books for fans of Nobody Wants This

Never Split the Difference Chris Voss, Tahl Raz

If the mirroring technique mentioned by Sasha has sparked your interest, check out Never Split the Difference to discover more insights into negotiation. Whether you’re putting yourself forward for a promotion or trying to get your toddler to eat vegetables, you’ll be surprised just how helpful the advice in this book can be.

Buy now

Funny Story Emily Henry

If Nobody Wants This left you yearning for more unlikely romance stories, then you should add Funny Story to your reading list. When Daphne’s long-term boyfriend, Peter, leaves her for his childhood bestie, Daphne ends up rooming with the bestie’s ex, Miles. To make their exes jealous, Daphne and Miles start posting misleading photos of their adventures together – but will they end up catching real feelings?

Buy now

The Ex Talk Rachel Lynn Solomon

If you enjoyed the podcasting element of Nobody Wants This, then The Ex Talk should be your next read. Shay has worked at her Seattle radio station for nearly a decade, but she can’t help but butt heads with her new colleague, Dominic. When the station proposes a new show ‘The Ex Talk’, where two exes give relationship advice, Shay and Dominic agree to play the part. They might not be real exes, but they already despise each other, right? You’ll have to read it to find out.

Buy now

Malibu Rising Taylor Jenkins Reid

If you love the LA setting of Nobody Wants This, we have a feeling you’ll also enjoy Malibu Rising. Taking place over the course of one day, the book centres around the Riva’s annual end-of-summer party, which is (of course) hosted in their Malibu mansion. While the book is set in a different era and shows a different side of LA than the one portrayed in Nobody Wants This, the beach-side backdrop will have you longing for a California vacation.  

Buy now

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