> Skip to content

Article  •  17 August 2020

 

The stubbed toe method

Paul Verhoeven reveals a strange coping mechanism introduced to his father by ‘a wise, weird and wizened mentor’.

‘My dad is a weird guy,’ writes Paul Verhoeven in Electric Blue – the darkly hilarious follow-up to Loose Units. In this book, he delves into his ‘hero cop’ father John’s final years in the New South Wales Police Force, working in the grimy, analytical world of Forensics.

Electric Blue is based on a series of conversations, via which Paul assembles a picture of policing as a seedy, at times scary and often strange vocation. As they race through Sydney’s underbelly, John recounts the crimes, the characters and the pitch-black humour. As well as unpicking his dad’s most terrible cases, Paul reveals his mother, Christine’s, experiences as a pioneering female police officer in the 1980s. And throughout, Paul explores the question of how hero cops ended up with a sensitive artsy coward for a son.

By way of introduction to this unique father–son relationship, early in the book Paul finds John bent over, combing the tassels on a lavish Persian rug – with a hairbrush. ‘He looks up at me,’ writes Paul, ‘with an expression that says, I know you want me to look ashamed about this. But I’m not ashamed about this. These tassels were out of alignment, Paul.’

‘“This had better not go in the fucking book, mate,” Dad says aloud.’

‘“Why would I put this in the book?” I reply calmly, making a mental note to put it not just in the book, but right near the start of the book so it sticks in everyone’s memory.’

In the passage from Electric Blue below, John learns a valuable lesson from his looming, sideburned, ex-hippy supervisor, Grey.

John was struggling a little. Not with his job – which was humming along beautifully – but struggling to process some of what he was seeing on the job in Forensics. You can’t unsee some things. You can’t, as Grey would say, ‘get the shit back into the horse’. But Grey also said that the best way to deal with these occupational horrors was the ‘stubbed toe method’.

‘What do you mean?’ John asked, sitting across from Grey at his desk, leaning back on his chair.

‘Simple,’ said Grey. He stood up. ‘John, imagine I have a pain in my knee.’

‘Do you? Have a pain in your knee?’

‘No,’ said Grey. ‘But imagine I do have a pain in my knee.’ ‘Just imagine it?’

‘Just… imagine it, John.’

‘Okay.’ A pause. ‘Did you hit it on your desk?’

‘No, John. It’s a metaphor. Let’s say my sore knee is trauma from, for example, having headed over to the detectives’ office and seen a man you met years ago being force-fed a bucket of excrement. Trauma. Traumatised. This knee—’ he pointed at his knee again ‘—ouchie. So, what’s the quickest way to stop having to think about the pain, John?’

John shrugged.

Grey clapped, beamed, and brought his leg back like a pendulum. ‘Observe!’ he bellowed gregariously, and swung his enormous foot down, his toes crashing into the leg of his enormous oak desk. Immediately, his face was a tapestry of agony, eyes twitching, mouth pulling up into a grimace. ‘Now,’ he squeaked through gritted teeth, ‘what am I not thinking about, John?’

John, shocked by the sudden display, cast about the room. ‘Are you okay? Jesus Christ! Why did you do that?’

Grey hopped on the spot, breathing heavily. ‘John! What am I not thinking about?’ John shrugged. ‘My knee! I’m not thinking about my fucking knee!’

‘Was there not an easier way to illustrate your point?’

‘Yes! Yes there was. But it wouldn’t have stuck with you, John. Fuck. Fuckety fuck fuck fuckington, this hurts.’ Grey sat down, tears beginning to stream down his face. ‘I think I broke something. John! The point is this: if you can’t stop thinking about a case, a horrible case… busy yourself immediately with a case of equal or greater horribleness.’

John stared, agog, at his wincing mentor. ‘Do you . . . do you have something for me? Of equal or greater horribleness?’

‘I do. Yes, I do. And this one sounds like it’s going to be greater.’

John looked at Grey and shook his head. He had silently prayed for a wise, weird and wizened mentor; this looming, brilliant ex-hippy was all of those things, and he sure as hell kept John on his toes… even if he did insist upon potentially breaking his own in the process.

Feature Title

Electric Blue
The riveting, darkly funny stand-alone sequel to Loose Units.
Read more

More features

See all
Article
QUIZ: Which Aussie dog are you?

Take this fun quiz to find out which amazing Aussie dog you’re most like.

Article
How becoming parents inspired YouTube stars to write a children's book

We caught up with Jessica and Stephen Parry-Valentine to learn about their new book, van life, travelling with a baby and the destinations they recommend everyone adds to their bucket list.

Article
Memoir Madness: 5 memoirs to dig into this month

See some of the best books – old and new – that recount the real lives of influential people.

Article
Everything you need to know about David Attenborough

All about Sir David Attenborough. Find out his age, birthplace, how many documentaries he has made and more.

Article
QUIZ: What type of investor are you?

Find out what type of investor you are, thanks to this helpful quiz from Investing with She's on the Money.

Article
9 books to read after Atomic Habits

Love Atomic Habits but don’t know what to read next? Never fear, we’ve got the perfect guide for you.

Article
20 of the best non-fiction books of 2022

See some of the best non-fiction books of 2022 so far, as well as more great titles coming this year.

Article
If you liked his TED talk, you'll love Nigel Marsh's new book

See what Nigel has to say about his books, podcast, TED talk and new book. Smart, Stupid and Sixty comes out this month, so get ready for more insight from the author.

Article
9 fun facts about bestselling author Hugh van Cuylenburg

Get to know Hugh van Cuylenburg, bestselling author of The Resilience Project and Let Go.

Book clubs
Always Room for Christmas Pud book club questions

A special book to read with your book club this holiday season.

Q&A
Melissa Doyle shares the biggest lesson she learned while writing new book

We talked with Melissa Doyle about her new book, 15 Seconds of Brave. She told us about her writing set-up, who she’d love to read the book, and the difference between telling a story on page versus on-screen.

Q&A
Mike Carlton shares the book that inspired his love of naval history

Mike Carlton shares his favourite historic naval novel, the disgusting meal he learned about while writing The Scrap Iron Flotilla and more.

Looking for more articles?

See all articles