Break-ups aren’t an accident. Something was wrong. What happened had to happen, because in its current state your relationship wasn’t healthy.
If you remember only one thing after reading this book, please make it this:
This is not about them. It’s only and always about you.
What your ex is doing does not matter.
You just need to do you. This is all, about, you.
You are the boss of this.
You run the ship. Not them. You.
You are going into this test with an A+ already tucked into your back pocket. You are completely qualified for this challenge and have total control over how you feel. Always! The boss is confident, they call the shots, and they understand the big picture.
I need you to be a boss.
Oh, and hey: there is no such thing as a break. You are together, completely, or you are not. Banish the term from your vocabulary and brain and definitely your heart.
People break up all over the world, every day. They don’t die or burst into flames. They are wounded, but they get over it, and then they flourish, just as you will. I mean, look at Nicole Kidman post Tom Cruise: her best work, an Oscar, true love and a deeply satisfying, joyous life.
After a break-up – especially the really bad ones – people grow up, and they grow out, and they even grow in, and it’s really, really excellent. You’ve been promoted! It’s time to move forward and move up, and see what else is available in this big, glorious life! There will be pain and it will suck, but one day soon, you will see all of this as the gift it is.
THIS BIT IS IMPORTANT.
For the purposes of this book being most helpful to the most people, I mostly refer to ‘the break-up’ as a bad/sad thing. That’s because people who are happy about their break-up, or who instigated it after much thought, generally don’t need a book or app to help them feel better about things. Those who are shocked by a break-up, or are having trouble processing it – they need the book.
Some break-ups are more than just sad and bad.
They are frightening. They require enormous amounts of courage and planning, and they can be dangerous if the person being broken up with is abusive physically, financially, emotionally or psychologically. If you are in a situation where you feel in any way scared for your safety before, during or after breaking up with someone, please seek professional help and protection immediately. It’s never a sign of weakness to ask for help, it’s a sign of courage and strength.
Visit lifeline.com.au and seek the appropriate help, or free call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), which is a free, national support helpline. You need to be safe. Properly safe. It’s always, always worth asking for help, or even just speaking to someone. Please.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
1. Break-up with someone, or have them break-up with you.
2. Decide to do something about it other than cry/smash things/drink.
3. Get this book. Smart you! This was an excellent self-love move.
4. Go to the Feel Wheel page and flick to the section that best sums up how you’re feeling.
5. Dip in and out of the bits that interest or resonate with you; there is no order.
6. Open the book whenever you’re feeling sad, angry, weak, or when you need tough love.
7. Close it when you’re sick of being goddamn lectured, or you find a quote or notion that really helps and you want it to sink in.
8. Write down or photograph (then use as wallpaper) all the images, quotes and paragraphs that speak to you, and refer to them as needed/incessantly.
9. Gift this book or its accompanying app to any broken-hearted bananas you know could benefit from it/need it badly.
10. Get really, really excited about your future. Cos it’s glorious.