The Heart of the Dales

A teacher was reprimanding a child who had drawn a very wobbly line freehand across his exercise book.
'Don't you know what the word \"straight\" means?' the teacher asked crossly.'
'Yes, miss,' came the reply, ' \"without water\".'

Awkward teachers, pompous school governors and fearsome lollipop ladies occasionally make Gervase Phinn's hectic job as a school more than difficult. But, for Gervase, the main challenge remains the frankly spoken children.

The new school year doesn't get off to a good start after a teacher suggests that Gervase has let him and his school down. Called up in front of his new boss, the formidable Miss de la Mare, Gervase fears he is going to be in hot water. To add to his woes, he is given another 'little job' by the Chief Education Officer, which inevitably means liaising with the infuriating and interfering Mrs Savage!

Meanwhile, away from the pressures of school, Gervase's life with his wife Christine and their baby son is blissful - until noises in the attic start to disturb their nights. . .