Wednesday: A Novelisation of Season One

FROM THE DESK OF WEDNESDAY ADDAMS

Ask any problem child how they feel about being dumped at their eighth school in five years and you’ll get about the same answer. I’m no exception, though I like to think my expulsions (as well as my taste in curses) tend to be a bit more creative than your average bully’s.

I can’t overstate how little I wanted to be dragged to Nevermore Academy (my parents’ alma mater) on the fateful fall day that our family hearse wound up the drive. In my eyes, any institution that could produce my mother’s smug superiority or my parents’ nauseating obsession with each other was a place to be avoided at all costs.

But as any investigative genius will tell you, it’s important to be able to admit when you’re wrong. And I was. About Nevermore Academy. About almost everything that happened there that year. In my defense, however, who could possibly have predicted that a campus notorious for housing your garden-variety outsiders and weirdos would play host to a monster mystery so deep, so twisted, that even I would be surprised by its conclusion?

If I could go back in time and tell that younger, more naive version of me one thing — well, I probably wouldn’t. Pure, unforeshadowed terror is one of life’s few true diversions, after all, and I know she’d be furious with me for ruining the surprise. Instead, let me take you back to the beginning of a story in which I, Wednesday Addams, fin a purpose and a home in the very last place I ever expected to find either. Don’t worry, it’s not a feel-good story. If you should know one thing about me going into this, it’s that I detest a story without at least five brutal murders.