Spectacles

Sadly, a recycling 'incident' destroyed the bulk of my childhood stuff that my mum had kept. This has meant two things: firstly, Dear Reader, you will never get to read a poem about corn on the cob. Secondly, it's left me with no choice but to actually write this thing myself.

This, my first ever book, will answer questions such as 'Is Mary Berry real?', 'Is it true you wear a surgical truss?' and 'Does orchestral conducting simply involve waving your arms around?'

Most of this book is true. I have, of course, amplified my more positive characteristics in an effort to make you like me.