A thirtysomething woman struggles to make all the pieces of her life fit together. She wants a baby, but she also wants her career. She wants the prince of her childhood dreams – but she's madly in love with the one man who's never going to fit that mould. And then, finally, she gets the one thing she wants more than anything else. She falls pregnant . . . Layla . . . If I could sing you back into existence, I would. If I could speak words that would make you whole, somehow sculpt you back to life, I would. If I could turn back the clock to make you safe, I would give anything. If I could sell my soul to any devil for your life, I would not hesitate.This is Vanessa Gorman's extraordinary account of her life before and after losing her baby daughter, Layla, only hours after birth. Sometimes confronting, but always passionately honest, it is a fearless exploration of the depths of grief and the journey back to hope.