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Breaking the Male Code
  • Published: 12 May 2015
  • ISBN: 9780698191099
  • Imprint: PEN US eBook Adult
  • Format: EBook
  • Pages: 320

Breaking the Male Code

Unlocking the Power of Friendship

Formats & editions
Paperback
15 Jan 2017
EBook
12 May 2015
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Calling for a new men's movement, a noted psychotherapist examines the critical role close male friendships play in helping men lead happy, healthy lives.

Calling for a new men’s movement, a noted psychotherapist examines the critical role close male friendships play in helping men lead happy, healthy lives.

For much of the past century, men have operated under the rules of Male Code, a rigid set of guidelines that equate masculinity with stoicism, silence, and strength. As men’s roles have changed over the past few decades, this lingering pressure to hide their emotions has wreaked havoc on men’s lives. Lacking the ability to communicate their needs, desires, and feelings effectively, they are more likely to suffer from depression, anger, and isolation, and their relationships often suffer.
 
Noted psychotherapist Rob Garfield has worked with men struggling with emotional issues for more than forty years.  Through his “Friendship Labs,” clinical settings in which men engage in group therapy, he teaches men how to identify inner conflicts, express emotions, and communicate openly. According to Garfield, traditional therapy has largely marginalized men since many lack the tools to properly engage. But when men learn to open up to other men who share similar experiences, backgrounds, and perspectives, they not only build lasting bonds but learn the skills necessary to thrive in all aspects of their lives.
 
Writing with empathy and authority, Garfield examines the unique challenges men face and urges them to abandon male code in favor of a masculinity that integrates traditional male traits with emotional intimacy skills. He urges men to connect with other men using the Four C’s of intimacy—connection, communication, commitment, and co-operation—to form meaningful bonds. Drawing on real-life stories and original research, he shows how their friendships can serve as the foundation on which men can build and sustain deep relationships with all of their loved ones—including spouses, children, and parents—and in turn lead to happier, healthier lives.
  • Published: 12 May 2015
  • ISBN: 9780698191099
  • Imprint: PEN US eBook Adult
  • Format: EBook
  • Pages: 320
Categories:

Praise for Breaking the Male Code

"For men, developing close friends is a daunting task. With warmth and empathy, Rob Garfield takes on the task of helping us to overcome our stereotypes about maleness and our often incomplete definition of friendship so that men can relate to each other in an intimate way. With both real-life anecdotes and knowledge gained from years as a successful therapist, Rob helps us through the fears and struggles of establishing close male friendships and provides a clear path forward."
--Donald N. Bersoff, Ph.D., J.D., President Emeritus, American Psychological Association

"Remember how Thoreau said that men 'lead lives of quiet desperation?' If only he'd read Rob Garfield's book! He'd understand not only why they're desperate, but also how to address their needs. A vital message about men's emotional needs, offered with care, thought, and great compassion."
--Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland and Executive Director, Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities at Stony Brook University

"Dr. Garfield explains why emotional intimacy is a rare quality in male friendships and offers a clear road map for men to forge deeper connections. His style is warm, engaging, and user-friendly. I suspect that countless wives will put this book on their husband's bedside table."--Harriet Lerner, Ph.D, author of The Dance of Anger and Marriage Rules

"Breaking the Male Code will appeal to men from a wide range of backgrounds. The book has the potential to be among every therapist's best friend in terms of what they'll want to recommend to their male clients. Rob Garfield's approach is personal, drawing on his own life experience in poignant and often touchingly humorous ways, as well as grounded in solid research on men and friendships. He also draws on rich illustrations from his group and individual therapy practice that will help men feel they are not alone both in their desire for deeper friendships and the risks they will have to take to create those relationships. Garfield comes across as one of the "guys" this book is reaching out to, and even the type of guy you might want as a friend."
--Robert Heasley, PhD, CMF, President Emeritus of the American Men's Studies Association, Professor of Sociology at Indiana University of Pennsylvania

"Breaking the Male Code is a book that can change lives. Written in clear, accessible prose, and filled with touching stories of the many ways male-to-male friendships are emotionally enriching and personally strengthening, this book will be read by both men and the women who care about them. Robert Garfield has tapped unexplored interpersonal territory. We have routinely believed that women have the corner on friendship. Garfield's discoveries of men's capacities for caring connections with other men open us to a new set of possibilities. Keeping It Real fills a gap and helps the reader to break a taboo men can learn to open their hearts to one another. Garfield's broad knowledge of men's lives, their struggles, doubts and perseverance, coupled with their often unfulfilled wish to connect with other men, is evident on every page. Men will read this work and recognize themselves."
--Evan Imber-Black, PhD, internationally-known director of clinical training at the Ackerman Institute in New York City, editor of the respected Family Process journal, and author of The Secret Life of Families and Rituals for Our Times

"For men, developing close friends is a daunting task. With warmth and empathy, Rob Garfield takes on the task of helping us to overcome our stereotypes about maleness and our often incomplete definition of friendship so that men can relate to each other in an intimate way. With both real-life anecdotes and knowledge gained from years as a successful therapist, Rob helps us through the fears and struggles of establishing close male friendships and provides a clear path forward."
--Donald N. Bersoff, Ph.D., J.D., President Emeritus, American Psychological Association

"Remember how Thoreau said that men 'lead lives of quiet desperation?' If only he'd read Rob Garfield's book! He'd understand not only why they're desperate, but also how to address their needs. A vital message about men's emotional needs, offered with care, thought, and great compassion."
--Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland and Executive Director, Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities at Stony Brook University

"Dr. Garfield explains why emotional intimacy is a rare quality in male friendships and offers a clear road map for men to forge deeper connections. His style is warm, engaging, and user-friendly. I suspect that countless wives will put this book on their husband's bedside table."--Harriet Lerner, Ph.D, author of The Dance of Anger and Marriage Rules

"Breaking the Male Code will appeal to men from a wide range of backgrounds. The book has the potential to be among every therapist's best friend in terms of what they'll want to recommend to their male clients. Rob Garfield's approach is personal, drawing on his own life experience in poignant and often touchingly humorous ways, as well as grounded in solid research on men and friendships. He also draws on rich illustrations from his group and individual therapy practice that will help men feel they are not alone both in their desire for deeper friendships and the risks they will have to take to create those relationships. Garfield comes across as one of the "guys" this book is reaching out to, and even the type of guy you might want as a friend."
--Robert Heasley, PhD, CMF, President Emeritus of the American Men's Studies Association, Professor of Sociology at Indiana University of Pennsylvania

"Breaking the Male Code is a book that can change lives. Written in clear, accessible prose, and filled with touching stories of the many ways male-to-male friendships are emotionally enriching and personally strengthening, this book will be read by both men and the women who care about them. Robert Garfield has tapped unexplored interpersonal territory. We have routinely believed that women have the corner on friendship. Garfield's discoveries of men's capacities for caring connections with other men open us to a new set of possibilities. Keeping It Real fills a gap and helps the reader to break a taboo men can learn to open their hearts to one another. Garfield's broad knowledge of men's lives, their struggles, doubts and perseverance, coupled with their often unfulfilled wish to connect with other men, is evident on every page. Men will read this work and recognize themselves."
--Evan Imber-Black, PhD, internationally-known director of clinical training at the Ackerman Institute in New York City, editor of the respected Family Process journal, and author of The Secret Life of Families and Rituals for Our Times