Ask Me How It Works
  • Published: 6 May 2025
  • ISBN: 9780241698402
  • Imprint: Viking
  • Format: Trade Paperback
  • Pages: 400
  • RRP: $36.99
Categories:

Ask Me How It Works

Love in an Open Marriage

  • Deepa Paul
Formats & editions
Tr. Paperback
6 May 2025
EBook
1 May 2025
Hardback
1 Jun 2025
Buy from…
Amazon Booktopia Dymocks QBD Readings Your Bookstore Abbeys Boomerang Find local retailers Find local retailers Collins Fishpond Gleebooks Harry Hartog Kinokuniya Robinsons The Nile Mighty Ape

A beautiful, vibrant and surprising memoir about love, desire and marriage . . . one question at a time.

In the early hours of dawn in Amsterdam, Deepa Paul rises from her boyfriend’s bed. She gets dressed, slips away with a kiss and cycles home, where she is welcomed into the arms of her husband, whose contentment is mellow alongside her own. There isn’t a glimmer of shame, deception or guilt, only the honesty and compassion needed to make this kind of life possible — even if it wasn’t always this easy.

You might have questions. Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? In this memoir, Deepa offers her answers openly and tenderly, as she explores the truth to questions of her own. Can I ask for what I want, and still honour the life I have chosen? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?

Unexpectedly relatable and joyfully vibrant, this is one woman’s story of discovering her own desires and how to liberate them, of shifting identities from mother to lover and back again, and of finding the courage to ask for the marriage she wanted, beyond the marriage she had.

One question at a time.
  • Published: 6 May 2025
  • ISBN: 9780241698402
  • Imprint: Viking
  • Format: Trade Paperback
  • Pages: 400
  • RRP: $36.99
Categories:

Praise for Ask Me How It Works

A singingly honest, live-wire of a memoir. Reads like a long-overdue conversation with an old friend, will leave you thrilled and humming with possibility

Yael van der Wouden

A spectacular memoir written with verve and style

Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah

A fascinating and big-hearted portrait of sex, intimacy and non-monogamy

Clover Stroud

A wonderfully honest and liberating memoir

Julia Samuel, author of This Too Shall Pass

A generous-spirited, imaginative exploration of how to live life differently

Rebecca Wait, author of I’m Sorry You Feel That Way

A rare and wonderful thing. I feel changed and inspired by this book

Lucy-Anne Holmes

With candour and wit, Deepa invites readers into her personal journey. As a woman of colour, her perspective adds a needed voice to discussions of non-traditional relationships

Jessica Fern, author of POLYSECURE

Deepa is the epitome of a woman living in her power. Ask Me How It Works provides a stunningly vulnerable and poetic glimpse into her most intimate spaces and through her journey to sexual liberation. If this book doesn’t change your perspective on relationships, nothing will

Gillian Anderson

A fascinating and big-hearted portrait of sex, intimacy and non-monogamy

Clover Stroud

A generous-spirited, imaginative exploration of how to live life differently

Rebecca Wait, author of I’m Sorry You Feel That Way

A rare and wonderful thing. I feel changed and inspired by this book

Lucy-Ann Holmes

A spectacular memoir written with verve and style

Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah

A wonderfully honest and liberating memoir

Julia Samuel, author of This Too Shall Pass

With candour and wit, Deepa invites readers into her personal journey. As a woman of colour, her perspective adds a needed voice to discussions of non-traditional relationships

Jessica Fern, author of POLYSECURE