Which Way Up?

Welcome to this guide to your New Human.  I'll start with a disclaimer: it's not a guide.  If you choose to follow some of the things that I have done, then it's on you, pal.
Written as I awaited the birth of my second child, this book is a collection of stories about my experiences, as a man, in the creation and maintenance of a New Human.  And given that she is awesome, I felt it only fair that I should share my wisdom with you, so that you too can have the best human possible.
So whether you are a long-time parent, a new parent, a surprised parent, avoiding being a parent or just thinking about becoming a parent, I wish you all the best in your contribution to the continuation of the species.
Three things every man should know before embarking on dadhood:
When your partner is pregnant, never confuse 'big' with 'fat'. Use the pregnant wife card to your advantage.  Sometimes I wished people would call me into a meeting just so I could say, 'Sorry . . . pregnant wife.  Must go.'  No questions asked. Once you have created a New Human you will need to schedule time together with your Old Human.  (Never call her this out loud.)