Unveiled

Preface

In 2019 I was invited to appear on ABC TV’s Australian Story to talk about my life. My first instinct was to turn it down. I concocted excuses and cited privacy concerns, but the real reason I hesitated was that the prospect of publicly telling the truth about who I am and what goes on in my head terrified me. I asked my wise friend Michael Gudinski what I should do. ‘There are a lot of reasons you should say yes,’ he said. ‘The big one is because I think it will help you, and I guarantee it will help other people as well.’

I appeared on the show and discovered that revealing some of the dark and complex parts of my psyche did make me feel a little more comfortable in my own skin. Afterwards I received a lot of messages and positive feedback from other neurodivergent people in all corners of the country who said hearing my story had helped them make sense of their own. Michael was usually right about those things. Although I felt somewhat unburdened by the Australian Story experience, I’d kept most of the real me hidden – a lifelong habit of mine.

It’s six years since the program aired and I still have trouble fitting in, knowing who I am and where I belong. The older I’ve grown, however, the more I’ve come to realise I’m not alone when it comes to sometimes feeling lost and adrift. I think we all do to a degree, and some more than others. People like me, whose brains happen to be wired differently, tend to be experts in the field. For the longest time I didn’t know what I could do about my innate sense of dislocation. I had never heard anyone give advice on how an outsider could fit in.

Although I didn’t start with the intention, writing this book turned out to be an exercise in confronting myself wholly and looking for answers within. I don’t claim to have found them all but I feel I have a far better understanding of who I am and, in some ways, of the wider human condition. Just as Michael had suggested years ago, today I hope that sharing myself completely and honestly in these pages will allow others living with some kind of diversity in their life – and who never quite knew where they fit in – to see that there is a meaningful and special place for them.

I believe there is great beauty and incredible opportunity to be found in our flaws and imperfections, just as there is in the daily struggle of modern life – no matter which side of the tracks you happen to be born on.

Vincent Fantauzzo,

St Kilda, September 2024