Do Ants Have Assholes?

A venerable and historic newspaper, the Old Geezer is read and respected by the world's most conscientious, upright citizens. When these beacons of respectability have serious questions, they turn to the Old Geezer's "Questions and Answers" page.

Do Ants Have Assholes? collects the enlightening answers to thought-provoking questions such as:
If you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant, what do you do?
How many men would it take to kill an elephant with their bare hands?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?
Are "crabs" related to crabs?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?