Penguin Books Australia

Introduction

Twenty-first-century life is exhilarating and challenging. So too is bringing up boys, as our children are at the forefront of the many changes that have taken place in a few short years. Children see so much more than adults. They're very aware of the distinct differences emerging within their generation. They know that what they did five or six years ago is not what their younger friends and siblings are now into. Many teenagers express concern for younger boys, particularly regarding their values, pressures and risk-taking.

The current generation gap is possibly greater than it has ever been. Boys are acutely aware of this and find it frustrating. That's why they go to their peers, or to the media and the internet for answers. While the information they get may be misleading or inaccurate, it's accessible and immediate. Adults tend to be less available, so boys are less likely to approach us for advice.

This information generation does not like to be kept waiting. Today's boys don't have to rely on parents or teachers to find out about life. In many ways popular culture has become the new parent. It's where boys go for education and entertainment, for comfort and social connection.

A boy living in Sydney, Ontario, Dubai, Auckland, London or Singapore can often access the same material, and form the same aspirations, especially around teen consumer and celebrity values.

Access to a world of information also means that marketers can contact boys directly. Until recently boys have been relatively free of their attention. But with the endless drive to increase market share, corporations now have boys firmly in their sights. 'Stealth marketing', advergames, 'relationship marketing', focus groups, 'sensory marketing', 'symbolic advertising', 'integrative marketing', 'product placement', and 'neuro marketing' are just a few of the means now used to hook boys in. Increasingly boys are being targeted by the entertainment industry, fashion houses and toiletry manufacturers, to name but a few. Unless we act, the resulting pressure on boys will only intensify.

The already overwhelming levels of marketing to our kids comes at a time when mental health issues amongst teen and tween boys are on the rise. Shrinking childhoods, less family and community support, and the focus on consumption above all else is creating a new fragility amongst our young. As a result, boys judge themselves and each other by the only criteria they know – their looks, their popularity and their possessions. These developments have proved a boon for the corporate bottom line. American kids alone now spend an estimated $US40 billion per year, and influence a further $US700 billion of adult spending, which equals the GDP of the world's 115 poorest countries.1 How did we come to be in this place?

It's not just the addiction to possessions which is of concern, but the degraded values and rampant self-interest this relentless marketing encourages. The continual pursuit of material possessions does not serve boys well. As media critic Robert McChesney points out, it 'promotes the sort of world in which you don't think anything matters unless it serves your material gain. Why be honest? Why have integrity? Why care about other people?'2 The thousands of expertly crafted messages that bombard our kids daily encourage them to believe that such essentials as happiness, friendship and security can be bought. Buying the promise, increasing numbers of boys are becoming lost in carefully packaged fantasy worlds created by advertisers. How can we prepare boys for adult life when their whole focus is on the next purchase and the next?

In the short time since the publication of my book What Men Don't Talk About, which examines the lives of men and boys, I believe boys have become more vulnerable in a number of key areas. Thanks to the rampant consumerism of our culture, they too are increasingly concerned about body image and presentation. It's depressing to hear of boys aged ten and under preoccupied with their hair and clothing, with how they look and come across, and with worries about getting a girlfriend, just so they won't be seen as a loser. Teen boys talk of not wanting to take off their shirts, or to strip down to their shorts, because they don't have the 'right' body. What kind of world dictates that wearing the same T-shirt twice in a week, or pants from K-Mart, risks social suicide?

Now our boys are targeted by marketers within months of birth, and their days are filled with branded junk and related DVDs. Instead of fresh air, spontaneous play, and an endless curiosity about the world around them, they're experiencing life through the TV or computer screen. These changes come at the expense of boys' mental, physical and emotional development. Kids need to experience the world directly for their brain pathways to grow. When their essential life experiences are narrowed, it is hard for boys to value their individuality and to have a rich inner life, an active imagination and a genuine sense of self.

Neuroscientist Susan Greenfield warns that contemporary lifestyles, and particularly the exposure to computers, may be keeping boys childlike – in need of constant reassurance and instant gratification, and assuming the world revolves around them. This prolonged immaturity amongst our young comes at a time when they have ready access to a world of information, including the worst kinds of material imaginable.

This immaturity makes them doubly vulnerable to the multi-million-dollar campaigns that target them daily and dictate how a boy should look and behave if he wants to be cool. Susan Greenfield also questions how adult life will be for a generation who have the same packaged childhood experiences, think the same way and hold the same values.

Parental authority is constantly being eroded by market forces. This leaves many parents uncertain of their roles, and their boys ever more vulnerable to sometimes overwhelming commercial influences. This trend is of growing concern to professionals in child and adolescent health, because the only value boys have to corporations is in their contribution to the bottom line. As media critic professor Mark Crispin Miller puts it, 'The official advertising worldview is that your parents are creeps, teachers are nerds and idiots, authority figures are laughable, nobody can really understand kids except the corporate sponsor.'3

Against this backdrop are additional challenges. Boys are wonderfully, sometimes challengingly physical. But with the contained lives they frequently lead, they have few options other than to turn to computer games for excitement and adventure. Often violent, these video games are addictive, and in no time many boys find these virtual worlds more appealing than the real world, as they have so little room to move in everyday life. Inside and beyond some of our schools we're seeing an escalation in violence, from groups of boys ganging up against others and assaulting them, boys carrying weapons to school, and the appearance of underground fight clubs, to growing violence towards parents and teachers. Yet what can we expect, when violence is treated as entertainment?

As a society we have become used to men and boys getting hurt, so give it little thought until it touches us personally. It's critical we face up to the fact that boys are vulnerable to violence, random assaults, dating violence and rape. They need to know how to handle these situations.

It's curious that while we're so fearful of strangers, we sometimes allow children almost unlimited access to cyberspace, where they can bully, gamble, take on other identities, and view live sex acts and the worst kinds of violence imaginable. With some online communities now in their millions, there are literally vast worlds within worlds on the net. While we wouldn't dream of allowing a young boy to take off on his own in a foreign country, some parents think nothing of allowing these freedoms on the net, where a boy's access to material is often limited only by his imagination.

With the growth in new technologies, virtual worlds have become extremely alluring to boys. There are now more texts sent and received in a day than there are people on the planet. Every month Google hosts 31 billion searches. Real-life activities and relationships can take a poor second place. It's not only exercise and face-to-face interaction boys miss out on when they lose themselves in these new technologies. Too many boys suffer sleeplessness and physical and emotional issues as a result.

Sometimes we fail to see where boys can be at risk. We are naturally concerned about girls being vulnerable to sexual assault, but rarely do we consider the impact that growing up in a hyper-sexualised world has on young boys trying to come to terms with their emerging sexuality. We also need to be more aware of what it's like for a boy to be surrounded by aggressive, over-sexualised young girls. This is not something we talk about, yet it is a very real concern of many of the parents I meet.

Popular culture encourages girls to behave sexually in ways that place them at risk. Young girls often do so because they want to look cool. Boys respond in kind, because they too want to be seen to be where it's at. Or, as one boy described it, 'It's a vicious circle where no-one wins.' It's essential we recognise how much more complex the sexual landscape has become.

One of our biggest challenges is how to deal with boys' growing access to porn, as porn is so accessible and supported by big business and very powerful lobbies. Studies show that repeated exposure to porn shuts down a boy's feelings, and may even lead him to become a sexual abuser.

Scratch the surface and you see just how many boys are viewing porn. It's crucial parents realise a boy doesn't have to be at home to download porn. He can do so on his mobile, or at a friend's place. This isn't just an activity high school boys are into. Increasingly primary school boys are getting into porn, and boys are also watching it together. Porn gives them a new language and a new way of relating which does no-one any favours.

The capacity for kids to lead secret lives is perhaps greater now than at any other time. With this new development come additional challenges. It's not only adults who are predators online and in the real world. With the new technologies, and increased access to adult content, we now have boys grooming other kids for sex. And, as teens now have their own secret language and can assume hidden identities and enjoy covert friendships, increasingly parents are being marginalised. That's why it's vital parents get up to speed with the furtive aspects of teen life. Parents also need to be aware of where their boys retreat for solace when they're feeling sad or lonely, and the likely consequences of the new level of isolation many boys are experiencing.

Sometimes we let boys down because we fail to understand what they need to thrive. Much work still needs to be done to support the emotional lives of boys and help them early on to be confident communicators and readers, as these are invaluable life skills. We also need to pay greater attention to the stories we tell about men and boys. Too often we see boys as troublesome and problematic. We tend to focus on a handful of men who are dangerous and abusive, ignoring the massive, ongoing contribution countless good men make. This leaves our boys feeling as if they have to apologise for being boys.

Some of the material covered in this book is shocking, but it's important to realise this is the toxic atmosphere many of our children encounter daily. It's vital we don't shrink from what lies before us, but take note, then act. Not all boys are into the risky behaviours canvassed here, but as they now grow up in a 'performance culture', where 'out there', often harmful behaviour is seen as cool, most boys are highly aware of what their peers are up to, which soon normalises their worrying behaviour.

In my quest to represent the lives of twenty-first-century boys from their unique perspective, I immersed myself in the world of boys from birth to the end of their teens. I also spoke with teachers and child psychologists, law enforcement and medical personnel, and experts in childhood and teen health, and to support services. In addition, I examined the latest trends in consumer culture, to see where advertising and marketing is heading. Where possible I used the best of local research, but as this area is so new, often the studies I refer to are from international research. While statistics vary from country to country, as our boys have access to the same technologies and popular culture I suspect there are fewer variations than there would have been even a decade ago.

In many ways our boys are struggling. Yet these many challenges are also wonderful opportunities for them to learn strength and resilience and to connect to their families and communities in new and empowering ways. When we understand what they're up against, we can help bring about much-needed change and support our boys in appealing, meaningful and relevant ways.